What an honest Calvinist might sound like.

So they think they are the chosen ones, and they want you to be chosen too. Isn’t that special? But their god chooses who he will and denies who he will, so its basically the lottery or a crap shoot.

I can imagine what an honest Calvinist witness would sound like.

“He who the Calvinist god chooses has already been determined, so whether I preach the gospel to you really is irrelevant, and a waste of time from a practical sense, but I’m gonna do it anyway, so it will look really cool and we can have church and stuff, and I can pat myself on the back preaching to lost people.”
” And also, it’s so you cannot say you never heard the gospel, even though it won’t matter in the end ok? Work with me ok? “

“The Calvinist god has already decided it all, and he doesn’t change his mind, for anyone, so don’t bother praying for salvation, that’s useless, that won’t accomplish anything. Who knows? I may not be elect myself, we just have to wait and see ok? Work with me here”.

“Now If you’re not elect, God is going to condemn you for your sins that he REFUSED to allow you to be forgiven of because, well, that’s just who the Calvinist God is.” “and you don’t question the ways of the god of the Calvinist.”

“Now, if you ARE elect, don’t worry about how you live, because that doesn’t matter, like I said, the calvinist god doesn’t change his mind, so if he elects you, he won’t unelect you, so you pretty much have all the license you want to live as you want, and so how you live afer election is irrelevant. If your’e in there, its all good man. you can do what you will, live like you want. And if you are NIT ect, you might as well live life to the fullest, because you only get one time through, then it’s going to be hell for you, so go for it man.” Pretty cool religion, huh? I know right!?”

“Ok, and one last thing,  as I said earlier, if it just happens that you are not elect, you don’t question the Calvinist god ok? its not nice to do that, so we won’t go there alright? This calvi god is a pretty harsh character, its not wise to mess with him ok?”

“Just be glad that SOME folks will make it to heaven. As it stands at the moment,  YOU WON’T, but who knows, the calvi god may show favor, but if he doesn’t, at least when you wake up in hell, you can at least get some consolation and a warm fuzzy feeling that others much better, and much more deserving than you got lucky and made it to the pearly gates before you go into the flames. “I know, I know, that doesn’t make a lot of sense, or sound fair, but see? you don’t think like the calvi god, and your ways are not like the calvi gods, so you just have to deal with it ok?”  You know? Take one for the team man?”

Got it.

Phlibblephlibblephlibbble. Silly religion.





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